I have been waiting for you to message.
And it takes more than what my patience can allow.
I have been wanting to talk to you on the phone.
But it seems you have much more important stuffs than talking to me.
I have been controlling myself to let you be busy with your stuffs.
But in the end, I always tell myself that actually you are not bothered with me.
I have been fighting the urge to meet you.
But I eventually think that you don't want to meet me.
I am sorry I feel this way.
But I really felt this way.
Can you answer one question truthfully? Do I really hold that place in your heart?
I don't know. Really. I am really lost.
You told me that you missed me and you have been thinking of me for the past few months when we were not together, but you don't look like that.
The feeling that I felt one year ago, came back to me tonight.
Your friends are more important than me. You would rather sleep than meet me. You would have ':)' in your handphone contact and that isn't me. You want me to meet you at home and even I got there, you continued to sleep and I am supposed to stare into space? And you always make me feel like a loser.
I don't want to put up a brave front in front of you because I need someone to help me up. But your problems always seemed more serious than mine and that mine is just easily solved by quitting. I want to share with you how I feel, but you don't understand how I really feel. I feel dumb talking to you because I seem like someone that is totally hopeless.
I am trying not to regret, nor do I want a break up. But I don't think I would want to play on. I want someone to hug me when I feel down, even without me saying it. I want someone that really understand me. I want someone that bothers to ask me how was my day and let me continue for hours on how my day sucked. I want someone that is willing to be my pillar of support, not just me being his strength.
I am selfish and I admit it. And I ain't feeling good. I purposely mumbled through just now because I don't want to start it all over again. Especially when the day, where whatever is to be done is to be done, is today and you have to be troubled later. Especially after you felt better after days of thinking and emotional control.
I so badly wanted to talk to you just now when you called. Just about anything. But you were on MSN. MSN, TV, SMS, sleep, eat, shower, everything, except Ernest.
Everything except Ernest.
