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It Makes Me Think More And More.
Friday, July 18, 2008, 20:07
I don't feel good after debrief. Really. Okay. Fine. I felt good. Would you believe?

Maybe it was the time when he 'press the hot button', but still, it is not comforting to know that.

I thought I wasn't that bad. But maybe, I was. I do not know. And guess what, I don't want to know, even I have to know. This you-have-to-know-no-matter-what feeling sucks. And guess what, it really sucks big time.

You ain't perfect.

---

I got angry with my mother just now, for she didn't answer my question. So now, I am a rude kid. And I am guilty.

Family first, every other things queue. I always tell myself. I know that family is the unit that you can fall back on, because friends can only be friends sometimes. I connect with them, my family members, without words or actions. It is just comforting to know that your parents will stand by you, when you fall, even if they don't know you fell. Their little concern over the time I end school is more than a birthday cake on my birthday.

But sometimes, I can't help it but be angry with them. And it really makes my eyes wet to know that they forgive me, even if I had said to most awful stuffs to them.

(I can't continue, my eyes are wet.)

---

Mr. Know-It-All, please learn to shut up and stop correcting everyone.

Mr. Care-It-All, please stop acting like you care, because you seemed like an hypocrite, which I highly suspect you are.

Mr. Lead-It-All, please learn that you lead in a sucky manner.

Mr. Top-It-All, please know that you are not inevitable.

Mr. Complain-It-All, please stop thinking that everything is not in your way, because life can never be perfect (I thought we all knew that long ago.).

Ernest, these people are just the type of people that you will curse when you enter society. So, start learning to work with them.

---

I don't want weird stares tomorrow or later. I don't want to know that people want to know more, because I just don't want them to understand. I don't want any encouraging words for now, because I feel that I will start swearing and be angry and that is not good. I don't want to talk, because I don't know how to phrase myself. I don't want to communicate, because everyone has their problems. I don't want to know that people care, because I will be reminded that there are people that don't care.

I want to think, but I don't know where to start.

---

Baby, you are the only person that can make me smile. I love you.






Ernest